Keeping it real? Then keep it 100% Honest!

Can "keeping it real" actually lead to your downfall? On this episode of "Check Yourself with Harley," we dive into the complexities of authenticity and how the pursuit of being genuine can sometimes go terribly wrong. Inspired by an iconic Chappelle Show skit, we analyze three scenarios where "keeping it real" backfires spectacularly. We discuss the self-made man whose boardroom meltdown costs him dearly, and the jealous individual whose party antics leave him humiliated and isolated. These cautionary tales remind us of the critical need for self-reflection and understanding others before acting impulsively.

Moving from cautionary tales to practical wisdom, we explore the true essence of authenticity. Authenticity isn't about brutal honesty for the sake of criticism but rather about honest interactions rooted in love and concern. We delve into the importance of setting clear relationship expectations and knowing when to offer advice or simply listen. Additionally, we stress the need for delivering truth with care and respect, understanding that how our words are received is beyond our control. Tune in as we prepare to tackle handling honesty from others in next week's episode. As always, we value your thoughts and remind you that you are loved, enough, and never alone. Connect with us on Instagram, TikTok, and Snapchat to keep the conversation going!

Chapters

• 0:01 When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong
• 14:57 The Power of Keeping It Real
• 21:42 Navigating Realness in Relationships

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

You better check yourself before you break yourself. You better check yourself before you break yourself. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4 29. Are you being real with you about why you're being real with others? Hey, what's up you guys? Welcome back to Check Yourself with Hardly. Thank you for being here with me today and spending some time with me. I pray that you are having a very peaceful day, that you will continue on with a peaceful week.

Speaker 1: 0:39

So today's episode is going to be when keeping it real goes wrong, and this was inspired by a comedy skit that I saw on the Chappelle show years ago. I just happened to remember it because it related to. It was related to something I was kind of thinking about recently. I was thinking about how we're like all out here like keeping it real or we're keeping it 100. And we often think that we're keeping things real, but maybe there's an underlining cause for that and maybe we aren't really keeping it real. And the best way possible. So we're going to look at three different scenarios from the skit. Obviously it's a comedy, so the scenario goes from like zero to a hundred and it's super worst case scenario at the end. But I'm sure we can all relate to at least one of these scenarios in some sort of way.

Speaker 1: 1:32

Okay so, first scenario this is a self-made man. He has came from nothing, worked really hard, got into a prestigious school, works his way up, has a high position in his career. They're in the middle of a board meeting and it's coming to an end. One of his mentors, who he actually likes, goes to high five him. So at this moment in the skit there is a pause. The person asks themselves about if they need to keep it real. So it's funny because I mentioned about how I stopped myself to check myself. But in this scenario they weren't really checking themselves. They were just more like I'm going to keep it real, but didn't really try to think about why they were keeping it real or what they were about to keep it real in what way. So he goes on to get really upset and tells him to shake his hand like a man and don't you know, treat him like a kid and all this stuff, but not in like a nice productive way. He's just kind of like going off and starts flipping off tables, cussing and just doing the most. So at the end of the skit he ends up losing his job. He ends up just losing everything he had worked so hard for. And they show him working on a gas station. The person tries to tip them. Tip him a few cents and he takes them and he's like what am I supposed to do with this? I got kids to feed tosses. The money, he's like and that's real, so it's really funny. You guys should look it up on YouTube.

Speaker 1: 3:04

So if we look at that scenario from a realistic perspective, I'm sure all of us have been in a situation where we feel like we are being disrespected. We have worked very hard where we're at or where we've gotten to and people just still kind of look at us like you know our past or where we came from, or whatever the case is. Or if you're a man, you tend to feel like you know you're not getting the respect that you deserve, the respect that you have, that you feel like you've earned. However, at this moment, instead of going off getting upset, getting into an argument and making kind of a complete fool of himself and losing everything, it would have been just the same if he had finished the meeting, maybe waited until he cooled off, felt better, thought about the situation, maybe thought about why this person gestured the high five as opposed to a handshake, which he felt would be more respectable. But these people knew each other, so you would think he probably just felt like you know they were in a more comfortable type of friendship or whatever the person was thinking. But that's why you stop and you think what could the other person have been thinking, even if that was what they were thinking? But you still do not feel comfortable with the situation. Then you pull that person aside after you've cooled off and you're in a more sane place and tell them hey, I did not appreciate the gesture. I feel like I have earned the same respect as any other man and I would like to shake hands as a man, and that would have been the end of that. Okay, y'all.

Speaker 1: 4:48

So second scenario so this guy's out on a date with his girlfriend. They're at a party I can't remember what he said exactly but the guy feels disrespected. He feels like why is he talking to his girlfriend? Has the same moment of I'm going to keep it. Real Proceed. Has the same moment of I'm going to keep it real proceeds to start a fight with this guy who just hit on his girlfriend. The guy that was hitting on his girlfriend was a third degree black belt and he was purposely going around trying to start a fight with someone to practice his skills. So in this scenario he ends up getting whooped by this guy. The girlfriend gets on and says how annoyed she was about how he was saying all night that he was going to be keeping it real and all of that, and so then she jumps into the fight to fight the boyfriend as well. At the end of the skit the girlfriend leaves with the guy who just whooped her boyfriend, so he ends up having to move back to his grandmother's house and then, because of the embarrassment of him getting whooped by a dude and his girl, then nobody wants to date him and he ends up alone.

Speaker 1: 5:59

So again, it's obviously crazy scenario. So again, it's obviously crazy scenario. But I'm sure we've all been out either dating somebody or our significant other and we automatically think somebody is either looking at them a certain way, or they want them, or they're trying to take them, or whatever. You know, you thought like that before. So at this point it was truly a moment for him to realize and think why is he quote unquote keeping it real with this guy who truly didn't do much but say a few words to the girlfriend? He didn't touch her in any way, he didn't really go as far as being disrespectful to her, but he himself felt disrespected. Instead of fighting with this guy who had he had no idea Like in this scenario the guy just had hands.

Speaker 1: 6:56

But in a different scenario, what if the guy has a gun? Or what if the guy decides to follow you home? I mean, come on like you don't know this person. So, instead of getting into it with this person, he should have took a step back, tried to think why that bothered him so much, and it probably had something to do with him being insecure for whatever reason, whether the reason was his relationship, the person he's in a relationship with, whatever behavior they've displayed in the past, or an insecurity within himself. Maybe he feels like he is not as good looking, or maybe he doesn't have as much as this other person, or maybe, you know, whatever the case is, maybe he feels like he's probably doing something, so she's probably doing something. I mean, the insecurity could come from anywhere he would need to deal with that Really in this scenario. It's one of those things where there was nothing to keep it real about In this scenario. He should have been keeping it real with himself because it was something internal. He needed to be honest with himself, deal with whatever it was that was bothering him inside. But fighting the guy wasn't going to fix whatever it is that he was dealing with from within.

Speaker 1: 8:14

Okay, so scenario three we have Brenda. She's watching TV with a friend at home and her phone rings, so she picks it up. Brenda gets upset because they hung up. She says to her friend I don't like people playing on my phone. Her friend then says just let it go, it's no big deal, probably just the wrong number. Brenda repeats no, I don't like people playing on my phone. It wasn't about people playing on her phone, but Brenda was actually suspicious that her boyfriend was cheating on her, so she kind of felt like it was the other woman calling and they hung up because her boyfriend didn't answer. So she starts 69, the person For you young people that don't know, star 69 is something we used to do back in the day when we did not have caller ID and it simply calls the last number that called you back caller ID and it simply calls the last number that called you back. So she starts 69 and a woman picks up the phone just says I'm sorry, didn't realize I had the wrong number hangs up.

Speaker 1: 9:13

But our girl, brenda, is not satisfied with that response and she's still thinking this is the other woman and she's upset. She has her. I'm going to keep it real moment. So she goes on to look up the caller, finds her address and goes to her home. She sees her car outside, proceeds to vandalize the car, smashing windows, throwing paint, all that stuff. The caller comes out and she's like it was the wrong number. I was trying to call my aunt. So Brenda is like really upset and is cussing at the girl and says forget you and forget your aunt. Obviously she didn't say such nice words, but that's pretty much what happens and then she leaves. Well, what Brenda didn't know is that that wasn't the caller's car. It was her brother's car and her brother is a federal agent and the car is federal property and defacing a government vehicle is considered a crime. So you will go to jail. And so Brenda does go to jail. Brenda is put into jail for six years.

Speaker 1: 10:20

At the end of the skit they show the boyfriend. He was in fact cheating, fact cheating. However, he was cheating with the friend, the same friend that she was sitting down watching tv with. Now brenda's in jail, her boyfriend is at the house still and he is still with the friend that he was cheating with. Anyway, this scenario I feel like man or woman you can relate to, because I'm sure some men out there who you have fought a dude, done all kinds of things, and that woman was probably cheating on you with like a best friend. So I know y'all can relate to women for sure. We we have all been here.

Speaker 1: 11:02

So for this moment this could have all gone a few different ways. Brenda was keeping it real with the wrong person, obviously because this girl had nothing to do with the boyfriend, but beside that, she was keeping it real with the girl. She wasn't telling her boyfriend. So once she received this call if she just waited, talked to her boyfriend and said, hey, I received this call, I feel kind of insecure about where our relationship is. You know, this is my concern. This and why these are my concerns, whether it's insecurity, whatever, whatever situation you're in or have been in At that point, yes, depending on the character of the boyfriend, he can go ahead and tell her if there is something going on.

Speaker 1: 11:50

He can try to help her through her insecurity by reassuring her and maybe getting to the root as to why she's so insecure about these things, whether it's something past or if it's something that happened within their past. Or he can just lie and say he don't know what she's talking about. At that point you have to look at the person that you're with, deal with the situation, try to find out why you have these insecurities and make changes in your life. If you have that insecurity, there's probably a reason why that's there, maybe just waiting because you know, everything that you do comes to light. You can lie to somebody, but it's going to come to light at the time that it needs to. We don't even have to go looking for it sometimes.

Speaker 1: 12:33

But Brenda would rather blame the wrong person, which would be fighting on the girl that he's cheating with. Now you might think well, they are willing participants in the cheating, but one you don't know that Men and women be out here lying, saying that they are single All kinds of crazy stories that everyone comes up with in order to make it seem like they truly are single. And people have a whole family that they live with, or they have a girlfriend all kinds of things Y'all like this is not new to us. So one the other woman holds no loyalty and they hold nothing in this race because it's between you and the person that you're with. As I mentioned, they might not even know. So you fight the girl that they're cheating with, then what? That's not going to get rid of the girl. I mean it might. But then if this is the type of person that you're with, don't you think there's other people that will come behind them?

Speaker 1: 13:36

There is scenarios that are different, and that's not what I'm talking about, because this is not really about cheating. This is about the whole keeping it real thing. So I'm not going to get into the scenarios right now, but in this scenario, keeping it real would have meant her keeping it real first with herself. What type of man are you dealing with? Two, keeping it real with your partner, telling them what you're feeling. Three, not blaming someone who has nothing to do with the situation, because they are one and could just be one of many Moving on from a situation that will put you again, this is a worst case scenario, but it happens. Y'all, like you could be putting yourself in a dangerous situation where maybe you're not defacing a government vehicle, but maybe you end up in a shootout with somebody over somebody that holds no value and is probably holding you back in life. So keep it real with yourself first, about who it is that you're dealing with, and they keep it real with that person and then go from there. Okay y'all. So these are all funny scenarios and obviously they're worst case scenarios, but I'm sure we can all identify to at least one of these, if not all of them.

Speaker 1: 14:57

Now, keeping it real with someone is truthfully just keeping it honest, with no alternate agenda or with something to do that you have going on inside and then projecting it onto others or going off on people. That's not keeping it real. Keeping it real is about honesty. It's about you wanting to help that person improve and you're coming from a place of love, wanting the best for them and just maybe opening their eyes to something that they didn't see. But it's not about criticizing that person or making them feel bad or less than it's truly needs to come from a helpful place or, depending on the situation, a place of honesty, like I just want to be honest with you about this, that and the third, and it's not meant to hurt your feelings, but I just have to be honest with you about the situation. You can keep it real with someone if you're dating them and you don't feel like it's really working out. You guys don't really see eye to eye. That's keeping it real. You're not trying to hurt them, but you're simply trying to be honest so that you don't keep dragging them along into thinking that is something that it's not.

Speaker 1: 16:13

I've had people in the past tell me like hey, I'm dating, but I'm not looking for anything serious. There's nothing wrong with that, because that person is just being honest. It's bad whenever a person is pursuing you and trying to make you feel like you know they want something that they truly don't see in their life at that moment. Or if you tell a girlfriend like you need to leave your boyfriend because he's this, that and the other. Well, does she need to leave her boyfriend? Or are you just single and need your friend back?

Speaker 1: 16:46

Are you keeping it real in a way where you're telling somebody that they are being a certain way because something they said is hurting your feelings personally, even though they were saying that about somebody else, then you should probably tell that person hey, what you said, it hurts me because of this reason. Do you feel that way about me too? So, even in a scenario where the other person is kind of like being messed up and saying something not the nicest way but you are actually keeping it real, not because of the person that they're saying it about. Keeping it real not because of the person that they're saying it about, but because of you. So you need to keep it real and tell them the things that you're actually thinking, so that that person can see what they're doing and also see how it's hurting not someone random, but it's hurting you personally. It has to come from a place of love, concern and wanting the better for another person. It cannot be for self-serving, selfish reasons.

Speaker 1: 17:53

If something is bothering you, you can tell somebody in a way where it's still respectful and grown up and mature. That's keeping it real. He should say something because he needs to set an expectation for the person and let them know that that's not something he's really okay with and that's fine, but saying it in a respectful way where he doesn't make a complete fool of himself, and we often do that. We keep it real in a way where we're going off being all combative, argumentative, defensive. That's not the best way to do that. Okay, so what if you're thinking to yourself well, there has been times where I've kept it real and I was coming from a good place. I know that's happened to me before, actually a few times, happens to me. All the time I will tell somebody hey, maybe if you try this for what you're going through, it might be helpful. That's just a suggestion. Of course you do what you think is best.

Speaker 1: 19:02

One thing I tend to do whenever I'm talking to somebody they are either venting or you know whatever they have going on I will ask first do you want me to say anything or do you just want me to listen? And the person will say just listen or no, please go ahead, say something. So if they do want me to say something, I will ask them questions first, Like have you tried this? If you have tried it, why do you think it didn't work out? Or have you thought about this perspective, or whatever the scenario is. I just try to get the person to get to a place where they kind of start to see things on their own, because that's often easier.

Speaker 1: 19:48

Now, if there is something that I want to tell someone that I have been concerned about, I will say I am a little concerned and it kind of sounds like this is something you're kind of going through. I always tell them that I care for them and I just want the best for them, and just because I see something a certain way doesn't mean that it's the right way. It's just a different perspective, my perspective, and they can take it or leave it. They don't have to accept what I'm saying. However, no matter how nice, caring and careful you are when you're talking to someone, we cannot change how someone is going to receive what we are delivering to them. So we must remember that, at the end of everything, you can tell someone with concern, love, you can be coming from the best place of benefit to them, but if it's a truth that they're not ready to hear, they're not going to receive it, and it will be up to them at that point when they receive that truth and when they apply it.

Speaker 1: 20:57

If ever, as always, we can only control ourselves. So our part is to deliver it in a way where we are not just saying it in a nice way and putting it in a pretty way. We have to actually feel inside and make sure that we're coming from a loving and thoughtful place. Not just saying it, but also make sure that that's truly where we're coming from, so that we don't end up saying something that is actually to do with us and not the person we are trying to come to. So, guys, in closing, check yourself Are you being real with you, about why you're being real with others? And that's the question you need to ask yourself before you start being real.

Speaker 1: 21:42

Next week, we are going to talk about how do we handle when others keep it real with us. That is what I'm going to leave you guys with today. Thank you for spending time with me. I hope that you guys enjoyed today's episode and it's like I said go look up the skit on YouTube. It's so funny. If you would give us a follow IG TikTok I have Snapchat, all of that Let me know if you have any comments, any suggestions. I'm always open to learning from anyone and everyone. If no one else has told you today, just remember that you are loved, you're enough and you are never alone. I love you guys so much and I'm going to see you next week.