How will I make it?

Have you ever wondered how to maintain faith and perspective when life takes an unexpected turn? Join me in "Check Yourself with Harley" as I share a personal journey inspired by the biblical stories of Job and Abraham. Through heartfelt anecdotes, including a cherished memory of my father, we explore the profound emotional landscape of loss and the strength found in adversity. This episode is a candid reflection on our tendency to assign blame rather than take ownership, and how to focus on the blessings that remain, even when life doesn't follow the script we envisioned.

In a world where father figures can be elusive, I open up about my own quest for acceptance and love, often sought through my mother's partners. The loss of a compassionate stepdad left a significant mark, pushing me toward seeking validation in external relationships, with varying degrees of heartbreak. Yet through this journey, I uncovered the true blessings already present in my life—supportive friends, adoptive parents, and my beloved children. Join me as I discuss the importance of self-love and gratitude, and how recognizing the love that surrounds us can lead to inner strength and fulfillment.

Chapters

• 0:00 Making It Through Hard Times
• 6:05 Discovering Inner Strength and Gratitude

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

You better check yourself.

Speaker 2: 0:02

before you break yourself, you better check yourself before you break yourself At this Job, got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship and said Naked I came from my mother's womb and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. May the name of the Lord be praised In all this Job. Did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing? Job 1, 20, 22.

Speaker 1: 0:38

Hey, there you guys. Welcome back to Check Yourself with Harley Today's episode how Will I Make it? On Sunday we had service. The pastor was talking about what happens when God gives you a blessing and the blessing becomes more important than the person that gave you the blessing, and they talked about the story of Abraham and whenever God asked him to sacrifice his son. That sermon really resonated with me because of what I'm going through currently and some of the things I've thought about how I felt.

Speaker 1: 1:21

So this episode is how do we make it through the hard times? How do we make it whenever something feels like everything is lost? So I think that we all have plans for our lives. For our lives, we maybe plan on going to college, getting a degree on whatever it is that we are interested in. Then we want to do great in our field, become super successful. Maybe after a while, you want to find somebody to share your life with, have some kids, buy a house, get more stuff, or maybe your dream looks like the family you want to find someone to spend your life with and share things with, and then you guys have some kids and maybe you want to be a stay-at-home mom or a stay-at-home dad, that can be something that you dream about, or maybe your plan looks like you just become successful, you travel the world and you'll be the cool aunt or uncle. We all have these plans that we make for our lives, and sometimes we have a timeline. We want to do all this by the time we're 30 or 40, or whatever the timeline looks like.

Speaker 1: 2:59

So what happens when those plans don't come to pass the way that we envision them? What if the plans don't work out? Life goes a different direction that we didn't want. What do we do then? Do we just ride off the rest of our lives and drown in our pain, feel sorry for ourselves and just become hateful, sad people? So how will I make it? How will you make it? What happens when we get to a place that we've worked so hard to get? Then everything falls apart. What if we get the dream? In my experience, the most common thing for us to do is either find something or someone to blame, but rarely do we take responsibility for our part in whatever the situation that happened is, and we look at everything that we have lost, everything that has fallen apart. We think about the people we've lost, the people that have left, but rarely do we look around and see what we have or what this awful thing that has happened to us can actually represent or what it can become. I know it sounds easy for me to say and it's easy for me to sit here and tell you oh, just, you know, don't throw yourself a pity party and just be positive and everything's going to. You know, be fine and just be grateful, because I don't know what you're going through. So of course, it's easy for me to tell you just to, you'll be all right, stay positive. So let me tell you a story.

Speaker 1: 4:53

The earliest memory I have as a child is with my dad. My dad left when I was three. I remember the last time I saw him In Colombia we don't have not everyone has cars, people mostly have motorcycles and my dad came to pick me up in his motorcycle to take me to the river, because I've always loved water since I was little, because I've always loved water since I was little. I remember we were driving down this road. I guess it would be a highway the highways look different there but I saw a field burning and I turned to my dad and I asked him. So I turned to my dad and I asked him why there was fire and he said there's burning sugar cane, mommy, because that's what my dad used to call me, mommy or mamita. I don't remember if I asked him why they were doing that and I don't think he explained, but that was the last time that I ever saw my dad, that I ever saw my dad. So I have shared that my whole life.

Speaker 1: 6:05

I've been trying to fill a void. When I was younger I used to do that by making every boyfriend that my mom would have my new dad. I would call them dad and I would try to have that relationship with them. But none of those men ever cared about me and one of them actually hurt me as a young kid and did things to me that I was very young to understand. I didn't know any better. I was still a baby, pretty much I was only seven, and when we met my sister's dad, that was probably the closest thing I ever had to a dad, that I ever had to a family, and I actually really cared for him and I feel like he actually cared about me and he tried to build a relationship with me outside of my mom. So it wasn't just because of her, and maybe it was, I don't know, but it felt more genuine than anyone ever had.

Speaker 1: 7:13

Unfortunately, things happened and that didn't last very long and he was out of our lives and that really hurt me and it kind of killed that whole want for a dad, because it's just. It'd been so many disappointments, one after another, one after another, so that day I decided that I was done looking for a dad, I was just done trying to fill that void or fill it that way. So I decided that instead I would create my own family, that instead I would create my own family. And that's when I started seeking men for love and acceptance, trying to prove that I was worthy, that I was good enough, just looking for that void to be filled, that need, that sadness, that need that sadness from my dad leaving and then losing my stepdad.

Speaker 1: 8:37

I let circumstances in my life and the choices of other people dictate the direction that I headed in life. I was a great student and I could have gone to college. I could have done so many different things with my life, but I was more concerned about what I didn't have. I was concerned that I didn't have the family, the dad, like that I felt, like everybody else had. So, instead of focusing on what I could do and what I could control and the choices that I could make, I made choices based off my pain, my hurt, and I just made a mess out of my life, beginning at 16. Forward to today, four years ago, I finally thought that God had finally answered my prayers and it was finally my time.

Speaker 1: 9:34

It was my time to get my family that I wanted to have, the love that I had always searched for. I met JR and he was literally everything I ever prayed for, and so much more. However, I don't know. I wasn't ready, and neither was JR. I wasn't ready because I still did not know how to love myself and I was praising another human and looking for him to save me from my pain, and that is a task too great for any man or woman. So what do you do when you find everything you ever wanted? You get the prayer that you've been praying for, and then you wake up one day and it's gone. You lose everything.

Speaker 1: 10:26

For me, I decided that life was no longer worth living, and I mean I lost what I thought was everything in my life, because at that time, jr was my everything, and again, I was focusing on the one thing that I didn't have and I forgot to look around at everything else and I was throwing my life down the toilet because of someone else's choices. So it's been a few months since my life has been basically falling apart by all intents and purposes and views from the outside. I went from having a beautiful house that I had just fully furnished. I went from having the husband, the family. I went from not needing for anything. Financially I was very well taken care of. Never was I told no to living in a two-bedroom apartment, again being single, and feeling like I was back at square one and actually feeling like I was worse off than before I met JR. So I can sit here and think about everything I've lost, I can cry about my situation, I can sit here and feel sorry for myself and keep going through all the things that I've lost and the things that I don't have, but then what? What is I going to do? Does it hurt? Yes, hurts like hell. Do I cry? Yes, but you know what? I used to cry myself to sleep a few times. In that beautiful house.

Speaker 1: 12:39

One of my favorite pastors, which I mention all the time, is Pastor Stephen Furtick, and in a sermon he was talking about a conversation that he was having with someone, and they asked him if you lost everything that you had today, how would you feel him? If you lost everything that you had today, how would you feel? And he said devastated. He wasn't talking about his material possessions, he was talking about the people that he loved. So the person that he was having the conversation with, proceeded to tell him. Then you have everything that you need.

Speaker 1: 13:17

All those years that I've spent searching for a man because I thought that was the I guess, the glue of a family I completely neglected the fact that I do have a family. I have always had everything I needed in my life. I have a father and he loves me beyond measure. He wants everything that is good for me. He wants me to be successful and he loves me beyond my mistakes. He's never left me alone. He's always been by my side. He forgives me and he just wants me to do better when something happens, but he's never disowned me.

Speaker 1: 13:58

I have six beautiful kids that are truly my pride and joy. They say the sweetest, cutest things, they're funny and they're so fun to be around. I love hanging out with my kids. I have friends who love me and care about me and they pray for me and pray with me and encourage me to be a better person. They allow me to express my hurt, but they don't want me to stay there because they love me, so they encourage me to have different perspectives. I have two adoptive parents who have taken me in in a really funny circumstance and they have taught me lessons and they give me tough love, they tell me the truth and that has made me grow into a better woman, and they push for me to do better each and every day. And even when we fight, my mama still calls me and tells me she loves me, regardless of if we see eye to eye or not, regardless of if we see eye to eye or not.

Speaker 1: 15:15

So maybe you're feeling like, okay, I'm just going to sit here, tell you my story and make it seem like I'm all positive vibes and I have no idea what you're dealing with. And you'd be right, I don't. Everybody's struggle is different and, like I've mentioned before, whatever I struggle with, maybe it's not something you would struggle with. I have one of my best friends who grew up without a father and it absolutely faces her, doesn't face her in any way, she does not care and she has never made choices based off of that. But we're different and whatever you're walking through is different, but it's hard either way. So if you want to choose to stay in your pain, so if you want to choose to stay in your pain, then by all means. But why would you want to do that? What is that going to do for you. It's not going to do anything, but just make you sad, bitter and miss out on everything else that's around you that you do have. So, no, the pain doesn't just go away because I am trying to be positive or trying to look at things from a different lens.

Speaker 1: 16:46

I still lay in bed at night and I actually did the other night and I cried and I was praying to God and I felt like at that moment, I accepted my fate as I see it, which is that I'm going to be alone forever. And it made me sad, not because I need a man to fill a void now, because I don't have one. I am a very different person and I am so proud of who I am now. So I don't want a man or someone to be there to make me happy, because I'm already happy, but I do want to have someone to share things with. It's a nice thought. So, yes, I cried and I was sad about it. However, that night, I was doing the same thing that I did when my dad left and that I did when my stepdad left, which was accepting defeat, and I was accepting that this is final, this is the end of the road for me, and nothing is final except death. So why throw away the time that I have, simply because of this imaginary timeline that I have placed on myself? So to the question.

Speaker 1: 18:09

So to this week's question how I'm going to make it through this time. Instead of seeing everything that I have lost, I'm choosing to see what I have gained. I've gained more knowledge about who I am, the woman that I've become, the things that I can accept and the things that I cannot. I have, I found the things that bring me joy, and I have learned my strength, and I have learned to truly appreciate it, because I used to hate when people would say to me you're so strong, and it would just make me mad. Because I'm like, I'm strong because I have to be and, for the first time in my life, I am strong because I choose to be and not because I have to. And I am proud of myself for being able to sit here and even film this because I didn't want to, because I didn't want to be judged. But people will judge regardless, and I know who I am and I know what I've gone through and I know my situation. And this is only as far as I would share because, as always, I respect the other people and my story.

Speaker 1: 19:31

So I'm going to make it through, because I am choosing to look at this time as an opportunity to focus on the things that I want to accomplish, the things that I enjoy doing, the dreams that I've put on hold because I've been chasing after my pain, heal, the little girl that didn't have a dad, and I'm now choosing to continue my life outside of the pain that I've gone through. So I'm going to fulfill my dreams. I'm going to finish school Instead of focusing on finding somebody. I'm going to spend time with my friends and I'm going to dedicate time to activities with my kids and making time for myself, learning more about myself and teaching myself how to truly show up for me, instead of always trying to put everybody else before myself.

Speaker 1: 20:40

What I actually needed to do was me myself gain the love for myself, because, as I said, that is a task too great for any human. When you place all of your faith, your worth and your life on someone else, it's not going to turn out well. It's like what the pastor was talking about with Abraham making his blessing greater than the person that blessed him. So with me, I was doing the same thing. I made my blessing my whole entire universe, and that doesn't work out because that's how you are then disappointed by things that happen in life, because we're all human and we all have freedom of choice and you cannot control the choices of other people. So if you rest your whole existence on someone else or something else whether that's a job, money, whatever you will be disappointed when things don't go your way.

Speaker 1: 22:07

I want to take this time to read books that I haven't got to read, try new things. As I was mentioning about volunteering, that's something I've always wanted to do. So I want to take the time to do that and just enjoying every day, whatever little things come my way, just living in the moment and not thinking about tomorrow. So I want to leave you with this what are the things that you can accomplish in your time of waiting? What can you take away from whatever loss you've had, whatever heartbreak? What is to come? What new opportunities are coming your way? You never know why things happen. It could be a new job. It could be your dream job that you never even thought you're going to get. It could be your dream job that you never even thought you're going to get.

Speaker 1: 22:58

Where can you grow to be better for the next chapter of your life? Live today and just enjoy the journey. Do not let the future or some timeline make you live in fear and lose the joys of today and what's around you, because, after all, tomorrow's not promised. And what do you gain from worrying about something that may never come? So don't lose sight of what's in front of you, chasing something that you know nothing about. I pray this helps somebody. I pray sharing some of what I've been going through, what I'm navigating at this time in my life, will be helpful. I want to thank you guys for spending time with me, as always. I love you and I will see you next time.